little friends are the best kind

croc talk

2011-09-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

Why do people insist on opening the mouths of crocodiles, only to shut them again? No food goes in, nothing comes out - and I can't really figure out why they do it in the first place. Sometimes they hover their heads "dangerously" close to the teeth, which usually results in a gaggle of oohs and ahhs, and another point is scored for team man.

love

2011-09-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

I love love love love love love love how animals reach for the doorknob when trying to get through a door.

this is some old school jessie

2011-08-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day.. and I got this thought in my head that life is short.. but it's a lot longer than we think. I suddenly felt like my entire life would only last two days, and I had just finished the first one. There was so much that I wished I had done, but didn't.. and it hurt... physically.. to know that I was in any way unsatisfied with my life so far. In the same split-second that I felt that, I also felt an intense fear of not making the most of my second day. Like having this realization that the first half was wasted.. STILL wasn't enough to get me to take risks in the second half. I was absolutely ... rattled. I essentially "woke" from that thought and considered it on a larger scale.

What if we only had one more year to live? How different would things be? What would be important to us? Would we still sweat over the bullshit.. and create drama out of boredom? Would we waste any time? Would we get anything done? Would we give up on the people we knew and find others less difficult? Would we try harder, or simply give up - when we faced the impossible? Would we even face the impossible? Would things seem more or less so? How many of us would wake up each morning, with one less day to greet, smiling.. hopeful that this one would bring a new chance to make the most of our short span? And how many would sleep in.. letting time do her handiwork, while inevitability creeping in.. silent, murderous and terrifyingly bold? How many times would we ask for one more day when we found something worth holding onto, and how many faces would stand on the edge of "the end" and fall regret-less into whatever-comes-next? Would any of us be the same? Could we be the same?

vintage jessie

2011-08-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

from livejournal, circa 2004

"You know how people come into your life, and even from the beginning - you can tell they won't be there long? And they never are, but the time they're around is so intense, and so bizarre that you never forget it.. and in a way it changes you - because everyone you meet will change you in some way, whether you need it or not. And sometimes you meet people, and you really don't know how long they'll be around, and the thought of them being one of the "transitional" people scares you to death.. and you just want to hold on to the five minutes you like the best, and stretch them out forever. The saddest thing I can think of is when I feel like, to other people, I'm a transitional person, moving quickly in and out of their lives, making minor adjustments, and then disappearing without a trace. You never think that you can be anyone but the main character, but to most people, you are nothing. And to others, you're minor. Thinking like this makes me feel like the loneliest person in the world.. even though everyone goes through it. Realizing that half of what you say doesn't even register with other people is one of the most depressing things to think about, but it really puts things into perspective. Some day you'll meet a girl you'll memorize; who's every mindless word you'll revisit when she's not around. And some day I'll write a book of everything you forget, and keep it to myself, and make sure that at least I remember. But not today, because today... We dance!!! Haha."

Popping in, popping out, popping corn

2011-05-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

WHAT is this thing still doing here??

I should have known that ignoring a blog for a year wouldn't make it automatically disappear. Diaryland, circa 2002, anyone? Yeesh, why won't that thing die already.

Well it looks like 2011 is off to a roaring start... she safely said midway through the year. We went to England a few months ago, so that was fun. It was a wonderful trip that ended too soon. That is really all I can say about it without boring myself to sleep. Not that it was a boring trip - because it wasn't - but I just know that my retelling will omit all of the exciting bits and replace them with the forty minute conversations we had about what to eat or what was causing our black boogers. Not that those bits aren't exciting as well.... it's just... ugh I'm doing itttttttt.

I turned 28 last month, which was gross. When I turned 27, I accepted my "late twenties" status, but someone convinced me that I could still claim "mid twenties" so I did. Then when 28 happened and "late twenties" could no longer be delayed, I had no choice but to embrace my new age bracket with the same enthusiasm that a spoiled child might employ with a new and unwanted younger step-sibling. Only in the presence of others. In private... we do not get along. I don't really mind getting older, since it's a sign that I haven't died yet (which is helpful, because how else can you be sure?) but I start getting mopey when I think about my life and what I have/haven't accomplished. Sure, I published all those beloved children's books that are currently being turned into movies, I looked into the heart of the universe and I ran that weird marathon that somehow cured all those diseases, but what have I really DONE? I haven't done the backstroke in a shallow pool of snuggly puppies, is what. I haven't LIVED.

I had planned to write more but I want popcorn. Goodnight!

Home is where you feel safe pooping

2010-08-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

Well we just got back from our Austin trip. To anyone reading my blog entries in one fell swoop, it must appear that no time has passed between the planning of the trip and its conclusion. But obviously that is not the truth, so quit spreading it around, ok?

We really didn't do much while we were there. This was more of a "live as the locals live" than a "see the sights" kind of trip, which really meant there wasn't much carpe diem'ing but there was quite a bit of lounging around at the hotel being indecisive about where to go or what to do. Just like we were at home! The main difference being that there was no cat box to clean which is a benefit I will cherish any time I can.

But please don't think that we didn't have a good time. We were able to shovel plenty of pizza and burgers down our throats (unfortunately not at a competitive level) and spend a lot of time stuck in traffic. We got to see my sister and I spilled a full cup of Jamba Juice all over her living room floor and stood there like a statue while she and her roommate cleaned it up. Also I held three bodacious cats. So...

Was the highlight of my trip the hour long google chat I had with Carleen about American Girl dolls? Would it be rude if I said it was? Well - we can just call that my break from my vacation and just put it in a memory box of its own.

I am not doing this trip justice, obviously, but I can't think of anything to rant about and we all know that rants are where I shine.

I'd rather be googling

2010-08-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. This week took forever and I accomplished none of my life's goals. To be fair, my life's goals are all just variations on "be rich," "be taller," or "do something really amazing - but I'm not gonna specify! That would be cheating!" Which, let's face it, are not very good goals.

The good news is that I was able to teach my coworkers a few things this week. They learned a little about government subsidized farming, but more importantly, they learned the words "prat," "slag," and "chav." I guess the week wasn't a waste after all!

Z and I are going to Austin next weekend to prematurely celebrate our anniversary. It's going to be a long weekend, which will be awesome, but we have literally planned nothing other than where we're going to be staying. Not that we won't have plenty of things to do in Austin - but I think there's going to be a lot of driving around and bickering about who should have googled interesting things to do in Austin because you can't be at restaurants 24/7 and that's all we have researched. Ahh.... anniversaries. Just like marriage, they are weird and a good way to ruin a perfectly fine relationship by adding another layer of pressure and expectations.

Just kidding! Marriage is a pretty good idea. If you're into that sort of thing. Which I guess I am. SPEAKING of anniversaries - we saved a piece of our wedding cake to eat on our first anniversary and we totally forgot to eat it last year. When we moved into this house and were cleaning out our old freezer - we came across the cake all foiled up and plastic baggied in the back corner. We debated throwing it away then, but I figured a more ceremonious throwing-away might be more appropriate. So who knows what we'll do. Maybe this year we'll get the cake out of the freezer (we moved it with us) and take it somewhere to dispose of it. Or would that be considered illegal dumping? Schematics! All's I know is I AIN'T EATIN' IT.

Oh no!

2010-08-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

I got a new computer today, so look out world! You're going to be seeing a lot more of me in the coming days. Her name is Gorbol so get used to it.

Just kidding, that's a terrible name. Her name is actually Spinderella.

Just kidding! It's a computer. It's not going to do what I tell it to do anyway so what's the point of giving it a name.

Just kidding! I will name it something, just give me some time.

You will soon learn (if you haven't caught on already) that I was doing you a favor by never updating this thing.

this is

2010-06-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have to admit - I had some rather big ideas for this blog when I started it. Whoops! Dropped the ball on that one, Jessie. In my defense, I do not have a computer from which to blog that does not result in severe eye strain, back pain, or awkward fits of embarrassment as someone nearby witnesses my "writing process" - thereby sending me into hyper-self-awareness mode where -literally- anything can happen (but -literally- none of the interesting things do) as I'm plunged into a deep state of panic by the thought of someone actually viewing my "method" - by which I mean typing a single sentence no less than four times before deleting it entirely. As you can tell - no one is watching right now because I would have quickly closed out of this window and moved on to something else for fear of facing another "episode" in which I become more embarrassed than can possibly be considered appropriate.

For the record, I do plan to buy a new computer as soon as I have some spare money. A quick scan through the database of phrases tumbling around in my skull reveals that "spare money" is not actually a usable combination of words. Shit!

omegle

2009-05-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

Stranger: asl

Stranger: ?

You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: hello

Stranger: asl?

You: oh god

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hiii

Stranger: girl?

You: .... sure

Stranger: where are u from?

You: this is ... so not interesting.

You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: sup

You: are you a creep?

Stranger: no im strait

You: not quite what I meant, but it'll do.

You have disconnected.

I'm a murderer.

2008-08-16T06:11:00.000-07:00

Recently I discovered the joys of using cornmeal to induce the mass murder of ant families. With my guidance and training, you too can be on your way to an anti-ant lifestyle. Are you ready for this Just sprinkle some cornmeal on their homes and where they like to hang out, and -poof!- you have now just committed genocide. Enjoy hell! It should be fun.

(and ant-free.)

Breaking my own rules.

2008-08-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

I don't typically like to tell people about the names I have picked out for my hypothetical children because I worry that they will talk smack about my choices, but today I think I will throw caution to the wind in favor of having something to write about. Something boring - but something nonetheless. I would ask that those reading this refrain from being too honest with their opinions, but that would be quite hypocritical of me! I do sometimes get upset to find that others disagree with my decisions (re: hair, clothing, etc.) but that is usually because what they say makes me realize that I wasn't that solid on the decision in the first place. When friends and family disagree with something about which I feel passionately, I rarely crumble, as I have already thought of answers to their concerns. Normally, there is little about my thoughts and ideas to criticize that I haven't already criticised myself.

ANYWAY! Let's hop on to the names, shall we?

For girls:
Avery/Averie
Olive / Olivia
Mae
Emily / Emelie
Emmeline
Adeline
Adelaide

For boys:
Gregor
August

Not quite as long a list as I had anticipated. Maybe I don't spend as much time thinking about names as I thought I did. I may add to this list later. And I may forget about it entirely. Don't wait up!

Well... I do love berries...

2008-07-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

Uh oh!

Bad news about the love affair status of the coworkers. The boy was "let go" last week. :(

Now it looks like I'll have to focus my untapped matchmaking talents onto pairing myself with the new BlackBerry Bold whenever it comes out. Mmmm..... Glossy.

Statistics.

2008-07-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hello, sweet poppets!

I am at work, eating a chocolate bar and googling "Nicole Richie Hair." I can't imagine myself doing anything more girly, although getting on my blog and complaining about my period might round things off nicely. Unfortunately, I don't have any negative words regarding my monthly Mrs. Mudflap, so I will have to end the girlyness there. Now I know what you're thinking - because I'm thinking it too. "Jessie, do you normally call your period your "Monthly Mrs. Mudflap"? Well I guess you'll have to wait a few weeks to find out.

Today marks the the two week anniversary of my first paycheck at this job. So it is my.... third paycheck? Yes, third. It's very reassuring to get paid weekly right now, because I have so much I need to pay back and so much I need to buy that it helps to not have to wait too long in between cash spurts. Boring! Next subject!

I think I'm going to get my hair cut next week. I wrote Katie Kelly to see about getting an appointment with her on Wednesday, and if I didn't completely scare her away with my obnoxiously long and needy Myspace message, things might actually turn out ok! I also asked her about color, since I need to do something with this turd box I call a hairdo. It's looking like I'm wearing a little mousy brown hairnet on top of an auburn triangle of dog hair. I guess I'm just tired of looking like a "before" picture.

If everything goes well at work, I will be on the phones by myself soon. Next week I will be sitting with someone while they talk and I key in the information. Probably by the end of next week I will take some calls with someone listening in - ready to pounce if I mess up. By the end of the NEXT week I will be taking calls and my "mentor" will be able to hear my side of the conversation but they won't be able to jump in willy-nilly. Willie Nelson.

We have started to get some of our RSVP postcards back. Most everyone is neglecting to leave notes, which is kind of a bummer because we wanted to compile them all and keep them in an album - but some people are getting the right idea. We got one yesterday that made me lawl. I can't quote it properly without seeing it - but maybe I'll post it here later (never).

I guess I'll skidaddle now. I will leave you with this quote I just read that made me embarrass myself by making troll noises while trying not to laugh. The best part? It's not even that funny.
:(

They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.

At work, no one can hear you scream.

2008-07-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

I wonder what the policy is on break-time blogging? I didn't see it covered in the handbook...

Right now I am merely in "training" and will be for a few more weeks until I am deemed ready to accept actual calls. At that point I won't be able to send emails and lolly-gag on the computer in my downtime. I am under the impression that there actually won't be any downtime once we're out there, but I'm thinking that maybe I can change that whole thing. We'll see.

There are two other people training with me and I totally think they should get together. They are PERFECT for each other and unfortunately I mean that in the most insulting of possible ways. I won't get into the details of why this union is meant to be, but I just keep looking back and forth between the two of them, wondering if they're thinking it too. They probably each think that the other is gross, but that won't stifle this dream. Oh man!! This is too good! If I wasn't so lazy I might be tempted to play cupid.

It was nice to have money.... for thirty minutes.

2008-07-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

But then nearly all of it went to pay back the bank for overdraft feeeeees.

Ummm... Hello, friends!

Tomorrow is officially "hump day" which has never meant as much to me as it does now. Yesterday marked the beginning of my second week at the new job, and I'm starting to get into the groove of the adult world. It's a very bizarre feeling. Very bizarre, indeed!

I like Wednesdays. I think I've always been a bit of a "Glass is half-empty" kind of girl, so I've embraced my own negativity in order to feel less weird about not being able to change it. HOWEVER, I have now learned that I am actually an "Is it Wednesday, already??" kind of girl, which is a completely different ballgame. I just don't know what to do with myself.

While I'm on the subject of days-of-the-week, I should say that I was never a big fan of Tuesdays. Mondays are not too bad, because after the weekend it's easy to trick myself into forgetting how horrible the work-week really is, and by the time I start to snap out of the weekender haze, it's already lunch time. The rest of the day crawls by, but by next Monday .. I certainly won't remember it. Tuesdays, however, are a different story. They are evil.

Thursday is also a very nice shade of lippy by Tarte

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It holds all of the promise of the weekend without having to live up to any of the expectations. Fridays can be a let down because they rarely are as great as they seemed like they'd be when I fantasized about them on Tuesday. I mean, I still love zooming out of the door as soon as I can ... but I always feel like I should have done more with my weekend. Either went out more, or relaxed more. I can't win.

Banyway. I need to cut my nails. Goodbye!

Whatever happened to "9 to 5"?

2008-07-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention that I got a job yesterday. I went in for the interview last Tuesday and then yesterday I got a call from the agency that arranged the interview. I had figured that they would have let me know by that Friday whether or not I was hired, so I wasn't feeling too confident about it at that point. But it turns out that they were "really impressed" by me and that they want me to start next Tuesday.

I'm definitely excited to start working again and bringing home some bacon.
Actual bacon.
Since I haven't been able to contribute to the food funds, Zach hasn't bought any meat for me. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind eating vegetarian for a while, but I do like to have some chicken or bacon every now and then. Especially since when I'm not eating meat, I just eat noodles and potatoes. And biscuits and gravy!!! Not the healthiest of diets, to say the least...

Anyway, I will be starting work next Tuesday and I will be working from 8 to 5, Monday through Friday. It's almost like a real job! I say "almost" because I'll be working at a call center, and to me that doesn't count as a real job because call centers have such high turnover that you are typically just serving as a warm body until you can't take it any longer. And by "it" I mean "getting yelled at by people who have had their service cut off for non-payment."

That's all for now! Yesterday was a good day for good news - and today is a good day for spreading that news.

A bizarre realization.

2008-07-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

So even though I'm not getting married for another 8.5 weeks, I can still technically say the following:

I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT MONTH!!!

If I hadn't spent so much of my life writing really weird things - that might have been one of the weirdest.

It's official: Two more months

2008-06-30T15:18:00.001-07:00

There is a scant two months until our August 30th wedding date. There's an overwhelming amount of tasks to accomplish in these next 8 weeks, and I'm not entirely sure if I've just wet my pants from fear or from excitement. It might be a little of both, but the fact remains that I have just wet my pants and it wasn't part of a dare. Hi mom!

We are making our own invitations based on This lovely lady's layout, using hand-drawn illustrations to create a sort of story book. I initially wanted to go with a bit of a "children's book" theme, and I think that my drawings will get this point across, but if nothing else, it has shaped up to be something that I really enjoy. I still have to draw the map and figure out the wording for directions, and finish up designing the postcard - but other than that we are ready to print! Z's mom wants to help in the assembly of the designs, and since we are seeing her on Thursday, that means that we need to have everything cut and printed and ready to go on Wednesday! Too soon!

I will wait until we mail the invitations to post pictures of the progress. Z didn't like my sketches but he said he liked the finished drawings. This either means that he really did like what I drew, or that he is a smart man and knows when to lie to save my feelings. I can live with either one.

An Awkward Apology

2008-06-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

But is there really any other kind?

Dear Blogs-of-the-Past,

I'm sorry for abandoning you. It's not that you weren't good enough, or cool enough, or easy enough to use - because you were all of those things! I just outgrew each of you in my own time, and there is really nothing you could have done to save things between us.

Diaryland,
You were my first, and therefore you hold the most special place in my heart. I learned basic html with you, and I had my first of many internet fights with you as the arena. It was a bittersweet relationship we shared, but it is one that I will never forget.

Blogpod,
??? I signed up with you right before I joined myspace for the first time. (I closed that account when I realized that I didn't know anyone on there. Now, of course, everyone has an account, so I HAD to join to be able to stare at their photos. You can see the dilemma I was in.) But.. I don't really remember why. :/

Myspace,
I'll be honest - I never really liked blogging with you. Sure, we had a few fun nights posting bulletins and feeling dangerous, but in the end you were little more than the superficial site I had you pegged for from the beginning.

Livejournal,
We have been through so much together, and I have always returned to you in times of trouble, though under different usernames. Even though I have been with you longer than any other blog, I have never grown tired of you. I will always treasure what we have together, but I hope that you will understand that I have evolved from who I once was, and I need a blog that can keep up with me. Plus, I like that this will be linked to my gmail/reader account, and you just can't offer me that.

Thank you all for being a part of my internet life. It is because of you that I was able to quickly gain twenty pounds after high school graduation, and I will never forget that. Never.