I'm a murderer.

Recently I discovered the joys of using cornmeal to induce the mass murder of ant families. With my guidance and training, you too can be on your way to an anti-ant lifestyle. Are you ready for this Just sprinkle some cornmeal on their homes and where they like to hang out, and -poof!- you have now just committed genocide. Enjoy hell! It should be fun.

(and ant-free.)

Breaking my own rules.

I don't typically like to tell people about the names I have picked out for my hypothetical children because I worry that they will talk smack about my choices, but today I think I will throw caution to the wind in favor of having something to write about. Something boring - but something nonetheless. I would ask that those reading this refrain from being too honest with their opinions, but that would be quite hypocritical of me! I do sometimes get upset to find that others disagree with my decisions (re: hair, clothing, etc.) but that is usually because what they say makes me realize that I wasn't that solid on the decision in the first place. When friends and family disagree with something about which I feel passionately, I rarely crumble, as I have already thought of answers to their concerns. Normally, there is little about my thoughts and ideas to criticize that I haven't already criticised myself.

ANYWAY! Let's hop on to the names, shall we?

For girls:
Avery/Averie
Olive / Olivia
Mae
Emily / Emelie
Emmeline
Adeline
Adelaide

For boys:
Gregor
August

Not quite as long a list as I had anticipated. Maybe I don't spend as much time thinking about names as I thought I did. I may add to this list later. And I may forget about it entirely. Don't wait up!

Well... I do love berries...

Uh oh!

Bad news about the love affair status of the coworkers. The boy was "let go" last week. :(

Now it looks like I'll have to focus my untapped matchmaking talents onto pairing myself with the new BlackBerry Bold whenever it comes out. Mmmm..... Glossy.

Statistics.

Hello, sweet poppets!

I am at work, eating a chocolate bar and googling "Nicole Richie Hair." I can't imagine myself doing anything more girly, although getting on my blog and complaining about my period might round things off nicely. Unfortunately, I don't have any negative words regarding my monthly Mrs. Mudflap, so I will have to end the girlyness there. Now I know what you're thinking - because I'm thinking it too. "Jessie, do you normally call your period your "Monthly Mrs. Mudflap"? Well I guess you'll have to wait a few weeks to find out.

Today marks the the two week anniversary of my first paycheck at this job. So it is my.... third paycheck? Yes, third. It's very reassuring to get paid weekly right now, because I have so much I need to pay back and so much I need to buy that it helps to not have to wait too long in between cash spurts. Boring! Next subject!

I think I'm going to get my hair cut next week. I wrote Katie Kelly to see about getting an appointment with her on Wednesday, and if I didn't completely scare her away with my obnoxiously long and needy Myspace message, things might actually turn out ok! I also asked her about color, since I need to do something with this turd box I call a hairdo. It's looking like I'm wearing a little mousy brown hairnet on top of an auburn triangle of dog hair. I guess I'm just tired of looking like a "before" picture.

If everything goes well at work, I will be on the phones by myself soon. Next week I will be sitting with someone while they talk and I key in the information. Probably by the end of next week I will take some calls with someone listening in - ready to pounce if I mess up. By the end of the NEXT week I will be taking calls and my "mentor" will be able to hear my side of the conversation but they won't be able to jump in willy-nilly. Willie Nelson.

We have started to get some of our RSVP postcards back. Most everyone is neglecting to leave notes, which is kind of a bummer because we wanted to compile them all and keep them in an album - but some people are getting the right idea. We got one yesterday that made me lawl. I can't quote it properly without seeing it - but maybe I'll post it here later (never).

I guess I'll skidaddle now. I will leave you with this quote I just read that made me embarrass myself by making troll noises while trying not to laugh. The best part? It's not even that funny.
:(

They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.

At work, no one can hear you scream.

I wonder what the policy is on break-time blogging? I didn't see it covered in the handbook...

Right now I am merely in "training" and will be for a few more weeks until I am deemed ready to accept actual calls. At that point I won't be able to send emails and lolly-gag on the computer in my downtime. I am under the impression that there actually won't be any downtime once we're out there, but I'm thinking that maybe I can change that whole thing. We'll see.

There are two other people training with me and I totally think they should get together. They are PERFECT for each other and unfortunately I mean that in the most insulting of possible ways. I won't get into the details of why this union is meant to be, but I just keep looking back and forth between the two of them, wondering if they're thinking it too. They probably each think that the other is gross, but that won't stifle this dream. Oh man!! This is too good! If I wasn't so lazy I might be tempted to play cupid.

It was nice to have money.... for thirty minutes.

But then nearly all of it went to pay back the bank for overdraft feeeeees.


Ummm... Hello, friends!

Tomorrow is officially "hump day" which has never meant as much to me as it does now. Yesterday marked the beginning of my second week at the new job, and I'm starting to get into the groove of the adult world. It's a very bizarre feeling. Very bizarre, indeed!

I like Wednesdays. I think I've always been a bit of a "Glass is half-empty" kind of girl, so I've embraced my own negativity in order to feel less weird about not being able to change it. HOWEVER, I have now learned that I am actually an "Is it Wednesday, already??" kind of girl, which is a completely different ballgame. I just don't know what to do with myself.

While I'm on the subject of days-of-the-week, I should say that I was never a big fan of Tuesdays. Mondays are not too bad, because after the weekend it's easy to trick myself into forgetting how horrible the work-week really is, and by the time I start to snap out of the weekender haze, it's already lunch time. The rest of the day crawls by, but by next Monday .. I certainly won't remember it. Tuesdays, however, are a different story. They are evil.

Thursday is also a very nice shade of lippy by Tarte

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It holds all of the promise of the weekend without having to live up to any of the expectations. Fridays can be a let down because they rarely are as great as they seemed like they'd be when I fantasized about them on Tuesday. I mean, I still love zooming out of the door as soon as I can ... but I always feel like I should have done more with my weekend. Either went out more, or relaxed more. I can't win.

Banyway. I need to cut my nails. Goodbye!

Whatever happened to "9 to 5"?

I forgot to mention that I got a job yesterday. I went in for the interview last Tuesday and then yesterday I got a call from the agency that arranged the interview. I had figured that they would have let me know by that Friday whether or not I was hired, so I wasn't feeling too confident about it at that point. But it turns out that they were "really impressed" by me and that they want me to start next Tuesday.

I'm definitely excited to start working again and bringing home some bacon.
Actual bacon.
Since I haven't been able to contribute to the food funds, Zach hasn't bought any meat for me. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind eating vegetarian for a while, but I do like to have some chicken or bacon every now and then. Especially since when I'm not eating meat, I just eat noodles and potatoes. And biscuits and gravy!!! Not the healthiest of diets, to say the least...

Anyway, I will be starting work next Tuesday and I will be working from 8 to 5, Monday through Friday. It's almost like a real job! I say "almost" because I'll be working at a call center, and to me that doesn't count as a real job because call centers have such high turnover that you are typically just serving as a warm body until you can't take it any longer. And by "it" I mean "getting yelled at by people who have had their service cut off for non-payment."

That's all for now! Yesterday was a good day for good news - and today is a good day for spreading that news.

A bizarre realization.

So even though I'm not getting married for another 8.5 weeks, I can still technically say the following:


I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT MONTH!!!



If I hadn't spent so much of my life writing really weird things - that might have been one of the weirdest.

It's official: Two more months

There is a scant two months until our August 30th wedding date. There's an overwhelming amount of tasks to accomplish in these next 8 weeks, and I'm not entirely sure if I've just wet my pants from fear or from excitement. It might be a little of both, but the fact remains that I have just wet my pants and it wasn't part of a dare. Hi mom!

We are making our own invitations based on This lovely lady's layout, using hand-drawn illustrations to create a sort of story book. I initially wanted to go with a bit of a "children's book" theme, and I think that my drawings will get this point across, but if nothing else, it has shaped up to be something that I really enjoy. I still have to draw the map and figure out the wording for directions, and finish up designing the postcard - but other than that we are ready to print! Z's mom wants to help in the assembly of the designs, and since we are seeing her on Thursday, that means that we need to have everything cut and printed and ready to go on Wednesday! Too soon!

I will wait until we mail the invitations to post pictures of the progress. Z didn't like my sketches but he said he liked the finished drawings. This either means that he really did like what I drew, or that he is a smart man and knows when to lie to save my feelings. I can live with either one.

An Awkward Apology

But is there really any other kind?

Dear Blogs-of-the-Past,

I'm sorry for abandoning you. It's not that you weren't good enough, or cool enough, or easy enough to use - because you were all of those things! I just outgrew each of you in my own time, and there is really nothing you could have done to save things between us.

Diaryland,
You were my first, and therefore you hold the most special place in my heart. I learned basic html with you, and I had my first of many internet fights with you as the arena. It was a bittersweet relationship we shared, but it is one that I will never forget.


Blogpod,
??? I signed up with you right before I joined myspace for the first time. (I closed that account when I realized that I didn't know anyone on there. Now, of course, everyone has an account, so I HAD to join to be able to stare at their photos. You can see the dilemma I was in.) But.. I don't really remember why. :/

Myspace,
I'll be honest - I never really liked blogging with you. Sure, we had a few fun nights posting bulletins and feeling dangerous, but in the end you were little more than the superficial site I had you pegged for from the beginning.

Livejournal,
We have been through so much together, and I have always returned to you in times of trouble, though under different usernames. Even though I have been with you longer than any other blog, I have never grown tired of you. I will always treasure what we have together, but I hope that you will understand that I have evolved from who I once was, and I need a blog that can keep up with me. Plus, I like that this will be linked to my gmail/reader account, and you just can't offer me that.

Thank you all for being a part of my internet life. It is because of you that I was able to quickly gain twenty pounds after high school graduation, and I will never forget that. Never.