Home is where you feel safe pooping

Well we just got back from our Austin trip. To anyone reading my blog entries in one fell swoop, it must appear that no time has passed between the planning of the trip and its conclusion. But obviously that is not the truth, so quit spreading it around, ok?

We really didn't do much while we were there. This was more of a "live as the locals live" than a "see the sights" kind of trip, which really meant there wasn't much carpe diem'ing but there was quite a bit of lounging around at the hotel being indecisive about where to go or what to do. Just like we were at home! The main difference being that there was no cat box to clean which is a benefit I will cherish any time I can.

But please don't think that we didn't have a good time. We were able to shovel plenty of pizza and burgers down our throats (unfortunately not at a competitive level) and spend a lot of time stuck in traffic. We got to see my sister and I spilled a full cup of Jamba Juice all over her living room floor and stood there like a statue while she and her roommate cleaned it up. Also I held three bodacious cats. So...

Was the highlight of my trip the hour long google chat I had with Carleen about American Girl dolls? Would it be rude if I said it was? Well - we can just call that my break from my vacation and just put it in a memory box of its own.

I am not doing this trip justice, obviously, but I can't think of anything to rant about and we all know that rants are where I shine.

I'd rather be googling

I'm tired. This week took forever and I accomplished none of my life's goals. To be fair, my life's goals are all just variations on "be rich," "be taller," or "do something really amazing - but I'm not gonna specify! That would be cheating!" Which, let's face it, are not very good goals.

The good news is that I was able to teach my coworkers a few things this week. They learned a little about government subsidized farming, but more importantly, they learned the words "prat," "slag," and "chav." I guess the week wasn't a waste after all!

Z and I are going to Austin next weekend to prematurely celebrate our anniversary. It's going to be a long weekend, which will be awesome, but we have literally planned nothing other than where we're going to be staying. Not that we won't have plenty of things to do in Austin - but I think there's going to be a lot of driving around and bickering about who should have googled interesting things to do in Austin because you can't be at restaurants 24/7 and that's all we have researched. Ahh.... anniversaries. Just like marriage, they are weird and a good way to ruin a perfectly fine relationship by adding another layer of pressure and expectations.


Just kidding! Marriage is a pretty good idea. If you're into that sort of thing. Which I guess I am. SPEAKING of anniversaries - we saved a piece of our wedding cake to eat on our first anniversary and we totally forgot to eat it last year. When we moved into this house and were cleaning out our old freezer - we came across the cake all foiled up and plastic baggied in the back corner. We debated throwing it away then, but I figured a more ceremonious throwing-away might be more appropriate. So who knows what we'll do. Maybe this year we'll get the cake out of the freezer (we moved it with us) and take it somewhere to dispose of it. Or would that be considered illegal dumping? Schematics! All's I know is I AIN'T EATIN' IT.

Oh no!

I got a new computer today, so look out world! You're going to be seeing a lot more of me in the coming days. Her name is Gorbol so get used to it.

Just kidding, that's a terrible name. Her name is actually Spinderella.

Just kidding! It's a computer. It's not going to do what I tell it to do anyway so what's the point of giving it a name.

Just kidding! I will name it something, just give me some time.



You will soon learn (if you haven't caught on already) that I was doing you a favor by never updating this thing.

this is

I have to admit - I had some rather big ideas for this blog when I started it. Whoops! Dropped the ball on that one, Jessie. In my defense, I do not have a computer from which to blog that does not result in severe eye strain, back pain, or awkward fits of embarrassment as someone nearby witnesses my "writing process" - thereby sending me into hyper-self-awareness mode where -literally- anything can happen (but -literally- none of the interesting things do) as I'm plunged into a deep state of panic by the thought of someone actually viewing my "method" - by which I mean typing a single sentence no less than four times before deleting it entirely. As you can tell - no one is watching right now because I would have quickly closed out of this window and moved on to something else for fear of facing another "episode" in which I become more embarrassed than can possibly be considered appropriate.

For the record, I do plan to buy a new computer as soon as I have some spare money. A quick scan through the database of phrases tumbling around in my skull reveals that "spare money" is not actually a usable combination of words. Shit!